Arrows

Do we choose to suffer?


I am sitting on my bed, using the window to support my back. An amazing spring sun is warming me as I recover from some sort of infection. I am grateful for it in some ways, the infection. I have been hoping for some quiet time where I could write and be underneath the down comforter.

I suppose in some ways I could suffer. I could be suffering because the body feels too bad to sleep, because I am not teaching tonight, something I love to do. I could be suffering because it is about the third warm and sunny day following what seems to be the world’s longest winter. I could suffer because I was hoping for a lengthy, sweaty practice today. I could suffer because I had to leave the elementary school girl friend reunion early because I wasn’t feeling well. I could suffer for all kinds of reasons, but instead, I sit here breathing out of my mouth, with a fever, not suffering.

A few weeks ago I was at lunch with Vince and our friend Andy and we began to talk about the concept of two arrows and the Buddha’s teaching on suffering. So the idea, as I understand it, is that the first arrow is something like an illness, or the death of a loved one, or an accident, or the loss of the job. The second arrow is the suffering that is created following the first.

So, let’s say this infection is the first arrow and if there were mental/emotional suffering it would be the second arrow. So, what is it this time that leads to this equanimity rather than suffering?

Equanimity seems to come with complete acceptance. I mean absolutely no arguing with reality and knowing who I am. Who am I? Am I this body with an infection? Am I Ami who every year has an infection about the first week of nice weather in the spring or the first gorgeous day in October? Or am I who is aware of this? There might be the experience of suffering, but I am, and you are, the one who ultimately doesn’t suffer from any type of arrows.