Can someone please stunt my spiritual growth?

Really! If it means being fake, could you please knock me off the spiritual path?


Please, can someone stunt my growth?

I have been feeling a crazy, nutty amount of sadness about one of my best friends moving to another city. She is so much a part of my life that I can’t imagine how life will be without her ten minutes away. At the risk of sounding dramatic, it feels like a piece of me is moving with her. I began grieving this loss the moment she told me about her move. I grieve as I write this, and she hasn’t moved yet. In fact, she is fifteen minutes away getting her hair colored this very second. She is getting her hair colored and I am grieving that she is moving next month.

Does this make any sense? I have had moments of intense grief over future possibilities lost. But, really, is it insane to grieve something that hasn’t happened yet? I wonder if underneath somewhere I believe that if I armor up and prepare for future grief if it will be less painful. Nothing like that good old fear-of-intense- emotions rearing it’s non-stop ugly head. I wonder what I am blocking out of my life right now by thinking about and grieving something that hasn’t even happened.

So about a month ago, I shared with a fellow yogi my sadness about my friend moving. This person is in no way someone who would intentionally invalidate my emotions. In fact, I think the response was one very much intended to be comforting. Having said that, the response to my declaration of sadness was “you know, every thing is an opportunity for our spiritual growth.” Seriously, after the initial processing time passed, I wanted to deliver a swift punch right to said yogi’s face. Just for the record, I didn’t. If spiritual growth means that I don’t get to experience the rich (and sometimes painful) feelings of sadness, anger, remorse, jealousy, joy and exhilaration, then please, someone stunt my spiritual growth.

I think for me, looking at every thing, every event, every moment as a growing opportunity can be useful. I do believe every moment is an opportunity to recognize I am not separate from Source, I am no different than you or our dog Bear at this core. I also think we can use our so called spiritual practice as a way, a mighty fabulous way, of shoving all kinds of gnarly crap under the rug. It can be a great way to avoid looking at and experiencing our own humanity, or lack of it. Being human can be so complicated and so messy sometimes. Sometimes don’t you want to hide under the down comforter in a dark room and have someone stand at the foot of the bed and witness your absolute, pure suffering? It’s as if sometimes we just need someone to see us, really, really see us. Sometimes we just need someone to look us in the eyes and acknowledge the pain and suffering that life can present. I think it might be one of the most genuine, intimate, authentic, kind acts we can do for another being. Without this, our world, our connections with one another, aren’t more than about an inch deep.

I recognize spiritual platitudes are meant to be helpful. I also recognize I don’t want to live in a world full of shallow sayings. It’s sort of like that trite saying we yoga teachers sometimes say: “no ego.” Well now really, how possible is it to leave your ego in the shoe rack? Isn’t there some ego involved in teaching yoga? Isn’t there some ego in practicing yoga six days a week? Some ego involved in trying to stand on your hands and drop back into some sort of crazy back bend? I’m not saying teaching yoga is bad or practicing yoga a zillion hours a day is bad or trying to stand on your hands is bad. I’m just saying, let’s don’t try to pass it off as “spiritual” and without ego if it isn’t. Let’s don’t hide behind our spiritual practice. Let’s jump in and get muddy. Let’s feel what we feel and shake out the rug, let’s step into the fire of intense emotions, let’s witness our own and others pain & joy. Let’s live with fewer platitudes and more practice at being present for our selves and other beings. Maybe that’s the definition of spiritual practice.