Where have I been?

Where have you been? That is what someone asked me recently when I was at the studio. I responded with "uh, i don't know, I have been traveling quite a bit for work and wrapping up for the summer." If my meditation cushion could talk, it would say the same thing. It was about day 50 of the 90 day BIG SIT that I realized I forgot about the Big Sit. Seriously, one day, I'm just minding my own thoughts when it occurred to me that I had forgotten my commitment. It wasn't that I made a concsious decision to quit the Big Sit. I just wasn't sitting anymore. Interesting, because during the first 30 days when I was sitting, I did notice an increased amount of space between thoughts and less attachment to the thinking that incessantly swirls around in my head. Maybe my head was so empty I intuitively knew I could toss the meditation cushion. Not even close to possible.

On March 31st, I posted the idea of a 30 day practice commitment project. I had gone to the other 2 owners of the studio and asked for their blessing, I had figured out how to use the mobile camera on my Mac, had made about 30 different videos before I decided which one I could live with, I posted it on the blog and then, yep, you guessed it, I forgot about it.

I did not forget anything while negotiating a contract for a different job and I did not forget anything while I was wrapping up the job I was leaving. I did not forget to attend the meetings out of town for work, I did not forget my toothbrush while traveling, I did not forget to get the oil changed and on and on and on. I didn't forget that sometimes I feel crazy on the inside when I live on autopilot, just completing the to-do list. I didn't forget that there is only so much time in the day.

I completed the to-do list until it landed me speeding on the interstate to get to our vacation destination. I mention the speeding because as we were leaving town the headlight on the car went out. So, our friends, who were driving their own car, started the trip without us and we headed to our favorite mechanic shop (Floyd Imports if you are wondering). After the headlight was fixed, I started the drive while Vince slept soundly in the passenger seat. In my mind, I thought if I just sped a bit I could get kind of close to being caught up with our friends. I put some tunes on (rather loudly which didn't seem to phase my sleeping mate) and occasionally talked on the phone (with headset of course!). Low and behold, I called our friends to let them know we were going to stop for something to eat and I find out I was ahead of them, way way way ahead of them. I passed them. Speedy Mcspeedster.

We arrived at our lovely condo across from Lake Michigan and I started reading the book I had purchased before leaving for the trip called "In Praise of Slowness". Really, I did. The girl with the lead foot somehow knew she needed to slow down. "In Praise of Slowness, Challenging the Cult of Speed" by Carl Honore is fantastic. I read it quickly (honestly, I am just a fast reader). It is a book that explores slow food, slow driving, slow yoga, slow sex and slow exercise. After reading for a while, I headed up to the rooftop where there was a nice breeze and the Michigan sun shining on me. I sat there alone for a long while. I just sat. I didn't read, I didn't talk, I didn't plan. I just sat. When Vince arrived to the roof I turned to him and said "Where have I been for the past six months?" It was as if I unraveled like a tightly wound cord (I think it might have been around my neck).


What I have come to realize (AGAIN) is that it isn't what's on our calendar that leads to the question "where have I been for the past six months." It's really about our state of mind and how we approach each moment of the day. If we have "watch the sunset" on our to-do list (I didn't just for the record) then first we need to get a grip and then really we need to investigate our state of mind, our approach to each moment and what thoughts are swirling around in our head that we are believing hook-line-and-sinker. If life is just about getting to the next thing and the next thing and the next thing we are gonna be missing what is right here, right now. In this case, I had some ideas that I was excited about and apparently their time had not come, maybe because I was in "to-do" mode rather than "right now is all there is mode." I hadn't investigated the thoughts that apparently sounded something like this: hurry up, hurry up, hurry up, hurry up, hurry up, hurry up...............

So, having said that, I have returned home from vacation with a sleu of things on the summer to-do list. Some of which include slowing down and driving the speed limit, exploring a slower asana practice and a slow exercise program. So far since our return, I know exactly where I am.



In Praise of Slowness
Challenging the Cult of Speed
by Carl Honore
ISBN 978-0-06-075051-0